7 Traits In Women That Men Find Attractive
“I bet when you start looking for a girl, you’re going to find a rocket.”
“Oh, um, sure.”
As I’ve been working out with my personal trainer, some of our topics lead up to our love life. How he’s been spending some time with girls here and there and how my love life is absolutely dry — but with purpose.
It’s not a matter of me saving myself or hunting for “the one”. Rather I’ve convinced myself that I’m not in any kind of state to be looking for any kind of relationship until my other priorities are sorted. Namely my business and health.
Despite that, my trainer is convinced that I’ll find an absolute stellar woman and it’s been in the back of my mind as to what exactly that would be.
Being an awkward, shy, and distant individual in high school and through my early 20s, my dating experience didn’t stem from going to bars or social gatherings. It was by chatting with girls through the internet and eventually dating them in long-distance relationships.
Several long-distant relationships. Often with multiple girls at the same time.
The relationships never went anywhere. After all, no teen would readily leave their parent’s home to fly halfway across the world to visit a complete stranger they met online for a day or two.
Also, this was in the late 2000s where decent quality video calls wouldn’t be out for a few more years.
But it also wouldn’t help due to the fact that I would’ve been an awful boyfriend back then. Aside from cheating to the point I didn’t remember some girl’s names in these long-distance relationships, I never showed any kind of commitment to the relationships. Cheating made it obvious of course, but thinking back to that experience I’m left with the question of why.
Why did I cheat in these romantic relationships?
I’m aware now that I was definitely part of the problem. But another aspect I recall is the lack of certain traits. I showed interest in a girl and after a few days, I lost interest and moved on to someone else. My problem was I didn’t spend enough time with them.
The same held true to the girls in high school, though I never confessed that I was attracted to them due to my shyness. Even so, I moved past those within a matter of days or sometimes weeks. Again because I never spent time with them.
Years since my testing in the relationship world, I’ve changed. I’ve read articles on relationships, developed myself as a human being, and dwelled on questions concerning relationships.
What is an ideal woman?
Who would be my “rocket girl” ? Rocket girl referring to the ideal woman to be in a relationship with.
How can I be a better boyfriend and potential husband in the future?
Looking further into the relationship world, there is a bevy of scientific research in how a man is able to attract a woman. There is also a fair bit on how women can attract other women.
But what seems to get the short end of the stick is the amount of research there is on how women are able to attract men. Most of the research in this area is done in colleges. And anything outside of that focused on very small groups, making it tough to overgeneralize it.
But as a man approaching his 30s and having a unique experience in the dating world as a teen, I wanted to share with you some particular traits that I think would be helpful for any woman looking to attract a man. Of course, men and women have a vast array of personalities and traits and trying to get someone to fit inside of a box won’t work. But at the very least, these particular traits are things that would tip the scale in attracting a man.
Over the years of reading articles on relationships and coming to grasp with it, a common theme that I find is a lack of honesty. I know that in relationships, it is essential to vulnerable, and the only way that’s ever possible is if you open up and share more about yourself.
That isn’t to say you lay out every little bit of personal detail in the first bit of interaction of course. But honesty is the best policy as they say. Even if it drives a bit of a wedge between a couple, it smoothes over eventually. It creates a dynamic and complications.
And while people think of these as bad things to avoid, it’s the opposite.
How boring would it be if you and a potential partner agreed to everything. I’m not talking about simple things like movie preference, hobbies, sports, and drinks. Things like politics, religion, science, having children, money, parenting, etc.
People grow through adversity and complications and a relationship does have an aspect of it. Naturally, there are going to be things you will like about a person. That should go both ways. But there should be differences in opinion on various things — regardless of if they are serious topics or not.
It keeps things interesting as it creates compromises. It also builds a deeper understanding of a person and eventually acceptance of their opinion. If it’s worked out, an altercation can become a bonding moment just like how one experiences a failure can turn into a lesson of individualistic growth and strength.
The only way I see these coming to fruition is to be honest and share what you believe and think rather than agreeing or saying things a man wants to be hearing.
Yes. Women can be assertive as well and it’s not just some guy thing.
It’s merely common that a guy displays this as toxic masculinity demands that men are aggressive rather than take the nice guy or passive approach to everything in life.
To that extent, assertiveness is often mistaken as something that’s purely aggressive when in reality, it’s a balance between the “nice guy/girl” approach and being extremely aggressive.
According to Art Of Manliness, assertiveness is described as:
an interpersonal skill in which you demonstrate healthy confidence and are able to stand up for yourself and your rights, while respecting the rights of others.
When you’re assertive, you are direct and honest with people. You don’t beat around the bush or expect people to read your mind about what you want. If something is bothering you, you speak up; if you want or need something, you ask. You do all this while maintaining a calm and civil demeanor.
This applies to both men and women alike as no one trait ought to be attributed to a single gender. Furthermore, assertiveness, in reality, is still respecting other person’s boundaries when making decisions.
You’re standing up for yourself by asking for things in a relationship that are clearly needed. You also avoid the kinds of arguments where you or your partner says “nothing” when their body language clearly suggests otherwise.
You know those kinds of arguments right?
These are often the kind of arguments that undermine a relationship over time if they’re never discussed as they create trust issues. And it’s all because one or the other isn’t being assertive enough and asking or saying what’s on their mind.
How could a problem be solved or proper communication be established when one party isn’t being open about their desires and simply asking?
If you’re someone that’s being assertive in the relationship, it can give the other confidence to be asking for things. After all, you’re asking for things in a civil way.
“Hey, can you take out the trash?”
“I feel uneasy when we do this, would you be open to trying something different?”
Sure you or your partner might not always get what you want, but there’s a reason. There’s a clear discussion that explains why that wasn’t the case.
It creates closure and avoids a heated argument and the sting of resentment.
Being assertive can help avoid a number of scenarios that can lead to break-ups.
Another solid trait to have is to be passionate — specifically, passionate towards many other activities that stretch beyond the relationship.
One thing that I’ve read time and time again is that long-lasting relationships and strong ones stem from the couple being away from one another. As counter-intuitive as it may be I’ve learned that a couple isn’t all about spending as much time together as possible.
It follows the same kind of philosophy of taking breaks. It’s a productivity hack because people think you need to be constantly moving when our bodies actually need those pauses. They apply this same logic to romantic relationships as well where they think the only means of growing it is to be around the person all the time.
This creates problems because deep down, people generally don’t like clinginess. The one obvious exception to that is those who want to create manipulative or abusive relationships.
Beyond that exception, it’s a good idea to have other things that you are doing. It creates a sense of individualism that the relationship needs. It provides areas of conversation as well since it gives you a glimpse into another person's vision of something that you might not have explored before or experienced.
In the end, a relationship is two individual people that have agreed to handle problems together.
Striking the balance between developing and growing yourself as a person and as a couple is an ideal goal to have and appreciated on both sides.
Another solid trait that men like in women is smarts in general. What I mean by this is that a woman should be smart enough to be able to create engaging conversations. That they have enough general knowledge on a topic to be able to do so.
This doesn’t mean you need to have gone to a prestigious school or gotten fantastic grades. I think that humanity has proven time and time again that going to a well-known school means nothing to one's intelligence. Case and point, look at Ted Cruz, a Harvard grad.
This is also furthered by the fact that school is designed for someone to memorize information rather than to retain it and use it. It’s not always a feasible measure of someone’s true intelligence on a particular subject.
Furthermore, intelligence is also a sign that you have common sense. Common sense — unlike the term — isn’t all that common and being able to employ this level of rationality is greatly appreciated. Yes, there could be things in our head that don’t make sense at times, but two people being able to have common sense and use it in various situations is better than one person having it.
Beyond that, intelligence can lead to exploration of a person since intelligence often comes with curiosity and so you’d naturally be covering topics that help you understand a person.
Specifically confidence in one’s own appearance. Intelligent guys know that female beauty products have made their millions by convincing women that they’re not hot enough or sexy enough unless they have applied several types of makeup products to try and impress them. After all, male beauty products work in a similar fashion though on a smaller scale.
That’s not to say to never wear any makeup at all. But it says something about a woman who knows that they’re beautiful as is with only a little bit of makeup rather than using half a dozen or more.
It’s also seen as a sign that a woman doesn’t need another approval to feel beautiful or to feel good about themselves. It feels more natural and authentic.
And that’s something that’s increasingly more important in today’s society: authenticity.
And on the note of confidence, another aspect of confidence is sexual confidence. Sex is one of the cornerstones of any romantic relationship — whether sex is happening or not.
Like with honesty, it doesn’t mean you need to immediately indulge every kind of sexual fantasy that you may have and what kinks you prefer, but generally being open with talking about it is important.
As awkward as sexual education was when we were teens, that was then and this is now. People seeing sex as some kind of taboo topic that shouldn’t be brought up is living in the past. Being uncomfortable about it shouldn’t be a thing either.
Especially since we’ve seen the ugly side of things when things aren’t discussed such as the rape culture that has spurred on the #MeToo movement. While that movement can do a lot of good, I think another sensible step is for others to at least be talking about sex rather than treating it like you’re some awkward person trying to ask someone you find cute to dance with you at a middle or high school dance party.
I’ve been there. Multiple times. It’s weird.
Being able to talk about sex is a sign of comfort around the person so again, this isn’t something that has to be brought up immediately unless you genuinely feel comfortable talking about it around them. And when the topic does come up, you’re able to discuss things openly.
Taking The Initiative
The world of speed dating is a field that’s been heavily researched as well and has gathered some invaluable insight into how attraction works. Even if you’re not at speed dating events, this is still invaluable information for creating long-term romantic relationships.
For example, one thing that works exceptionally well in speed dating is taking the initiative. One study found that the simple act of listening and asking questions will help improve attraction. It doesn’t come as much as a surprise to me since people overall enjoy talking about themselves. Having someone indulge them in that behaviour will of course be good too.
But in romantic relationships, this same strategy works wonders. From my own experiences, a relationship doesn’t go anywhere if either party doesn’t make the first step in sparking conversation. And I feel that is a mindset thing.
Girls expect the man to be starting conversations and to be showing interest in them in that way.
There could also be a double standard as well as a woman expect a man to talk about themselves naturally within the conversation.
I’ve never worked that way. I’ve been shy for a long time and I also quickly lose interest in someone if I’m the only one that’s learning about a person. And it also feels rude for me to turn the conversation quickly to about me. Especially when I’m not even asked a question.
People like to be asked rather than shoving their own thoughts and opinions into things. A woman who recognizes this and asks or makes the first moves is a significant thing and something that a man can play along with and feel comfortable in too.
Despite the abundance of information on why these traits are good in relationships, the reality is that these traits are nothing new or revolutionary. Both men and women can easily develop these and already have the groundwork to do a number of these things.
All that’s really left is for you to put them into practice for yourself.