You have truly lived if there is someone in your life that has seriously burned you.
In those moments, you feel anger and hatred towards that person, and maybe deep down you want to get back at them.
Absolutely we get haters, but haters are nobodies who don’t know you well enough.
Instead, I’m talking about people who know you personally and have burned you.
For sure you may want to say some choice and colourful words to them.
Perhaps you want to ruin or destroy their lives. It might make sense at the time right?
But I advise against that.
Because getting back at them in that way makes you no better than them.
Instead, how you can cope with anger and revenge is by following the sage advice of this quote.
This is how I handle anger and revenge.
The best kind of revenge is the feeling that you have gotten further in your life without that person in it.
How To Get Back At Them
“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
These days, I hardly get flustered or get upset with people. Part of it may be due to the lack of haters, but it’s also not in my nature to get angry.
Instead, I’ve learned to embrace that quote and since then it has changed my life.
In fact it’s how I cope in those kinds of situations.
Anger and wanting revenge can blindside you with ease. You can get trapped and through that you can lose your purpose. Your focus is entirely on getting back at them.
I know this doesn’t work. Although it makes great sense to do something like that.
Back when I was in high school, there was a man who I looked up to and supported me through the shit I was going through at the time. It was for this reason that I looked up to him and had mad respect for the guy.
But as the months went by and I grew and changed little by little, we eventually had a falling out. Turns out he didn’t want me going to a certain college. He was the first friend that I had a true falling out with.
Years after that I strove to get back at him, to prove wrong some of the things he said to me. Things like that I let my life is steered by other people and that my Katimavik experience didn’t change me.
In the end, I was consumed by the desire to prove him wrong and one day show him just to rub it in his face.
But at the end of the day, that pathway didn’t get me anywhere. It blinded me into joining a network marketing group deep down I didn’t care much for, but also to follow down a path that truly wasn’t for me.
In the end, I was too obsessed with wanting to make so much money just so I could rub it in some guy’s face.
My point in all this is a simple question:
Is your life worth living by getting blindsided just to get back at someone who is no longer in your life?
Anger is like a prison. It keeps you trapped and from there you are exposed to various negative emotions if you sit there.
But in order to free yourself from that prison, you need to move them around.
This means not bottling them up, but instead use them as a means to grow.
If you’ve learned anything from me thus far, this should come as no surprise as we can learn to leverage excuses, doubts, and even our own fears.
But to leverage anger and revenge requires thinking. You do need to deal with the emotion and then start leveraging from it after all.
Here is how you can do that.
Meditate & Ask Questions
“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.” ― Marcus Aurelius
First how you can handle the emotion is through meditation or asking questions for clarity. Or doing a combination of both.
I’ve said before that meditation has helped me overcome past trauma. That being said, meditation can also be used to smooth over revenge.
For years I was consumed at getting back at this one guy who was no longer in my life. However that all got diffused by the time I finally stopped and thought about it.
What exactly does getting back at this nobody prove?
I mean, sure there’s the potential satisfaction that you’re in a better position than them. Or perhaps you wanted to prove them wrong.
But going back to the quote I mentioned at the beginning, wouldn’t it be more fitting to rise up higher despite that adversity?
True, it follows the same principal of showing them your accomplishments and gloating, but what does that prove?
Does it make you a better person by rubbing your accomplishments in their face?
It makes you no better than the person who burned you.
And we both know deep down you are better than that.
So instead, take some time to spin that revenge into something else. I do that by using meditation to ask questions.
The first question is…
“How can this inspire me?”
This’ll prompt you to start seeing things in a different light.
How you approach situations matter as you can learn how to spin this into a new way you wouldn’t have thought of.
The second question I ask is…
“Can I learn more from this event?”
With this question I determine the validity of it.
There is a lesson to learn and if you are like me where you experience flashbacks, this can be a safeguard.
“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.” ― Shannon L. Alder
The questions I give as a means of both coping, and leveraging. As humans, we truly grow when we get past the negative events.
- The loss of someone can enrich our lives and understanding of the world and that person.
- Harshness of life can teach us how to toughen ourselves and forge forward.
- The burning words from someone we can take to heart and learn how to mould them into something different.
- And the actions that burned us can give us more fodder to identify truly and pursue what we truly want to do.
By asking those questions we are taking a critical look at ourselves. We are preparing ourselves not to be blindsided or consumed with revenge or to get angry, but to understand where we want to go in our lives.
So don’t linger on the stinging aspect of those words. Yes there may be truth to it, but the wonderful thing about humans is we can change. Furthermore we can use anger to grow and do many other things too.
This is the ultimate way to get back at the person, even if you never see them again for the rest of your life.
To your growth!
Eric S Burdon
This post is part of an 3 month writing challenge that I’m committing myself to. Every day for 3 months, I’ll be writing articles with specific criteria in mind. You can learn all about my reasoning as well as what that criteria is right here. This is 56 of 91 of this series.
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