Checking the relationships that you have and how much they affect you makes a significant impact on how you live your life. I hope that much has been driven home by yesterday’s post.
But what if you do find instances where people are negatively impacting your life?
What if they do get in the way of your goals or conflict with your values?
Well, there are certain ways you can go about it. I’ll talk about how to do that here.
First: Check The Relationship
In the cookie of life, friends are the chocolate chips. — Unknown
The first most important thing to moving away from toxic relationships is to first know that it is one.
As I mentioned above, toxic relationships can stem from opposing views and other things. This is important to note because if people don’t agree with you does not a bad person makes.
In fact, opposing views and opinions are what help people grow (and should be respected).
Someone lowers their chances of spouting racial slurs if they grew up around various people of colour.
All the same, some people can open up to new possibilities — amongst other things — when they are exposed to different perspectives and people.
Instead of looking at things that are different and you don’t agree with, look at how the views are conducted and the nature of the relationship.
Can you find some kind of benefits from being around them?
This leads me to my next point.
Two: See What You Can Leverage
Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. — Eleanor Roosevelt
Every relationship that we have in the world is a give and take relationship.
As humans, it’s perfectly natural for us to expect some level of things and to use other people for our own advancement.
Heartless, perhaps, but it depends on how you see it.
All the same, this fact isn’t a reason to be a complete dick. When you give, so shall you receive.
The thing is though in toxic relationships, you’ll find in a lot of cases that one side is clearly benefiting more from the relationship than the other. Whether that’s getting what they want and people getting in line of their world view, or something else entirely, it doesn’t matter.
At the end of the day, relationships are a mixture of give and take. People won’t show as much of an interest in you if you can’t offer something to them either physically, or mentally.
At the same time people can be manipulated in this fashion with the hopes they get that satisfaction.
The main point here is to know what you are getting out of the relationship. From there you want to judge if what you are getting is worth it for what you are putting in.
Like an investment, you want to make sure that the person you are with is well worth your time.
Three: Break Ties Or Negotiate
There are friends, there is family, and then there are friends that become family. — Unknown
Now that we know a toxic relationship, take some time to look at the relationships that you have in your life and see if anything fits that bill.
Is there any person that is taking a lot from you on a physical or mental level and not giving anything back?
Is this person holding you back because you lack something?
If the answer is yes, then you may be in a toxic relationship and you’re at the point where you can do a few things…
Burn that bridge, or;
Talk to them and see if you can reach an understanding.
Of course, all this depends on the nature of the relationship. For example, you can’t simply avoid a family member, especially if it’s your parents or siblings.
Each one is conducted on a case by case basis and I’ll go over them all in a later post. But generally speaking, you want to ensure the relationship is helping you on some level and you can discuss how that can happen.
Even something small like support or belief can make a difference.
If it does come to where you have to break ties, one method to consider is more along the lines of avoiding. Move away from those kinds of people and make it clear you don’t want them in your life, either through words or actions.
Now that you know generally what steps need to be taken, you are now ready to take on the specific tactics that you can use. Tomorrow I’ll explain them in detail.
To your growth!
Eric S Burdon
This post is part of an 3 month writing challenge that I’m committing myself to. Every day for 3 months, I’ll be writing articles with specific criteria in mind. You can learn all about my reasoning as well as what that criteria is right here. This is 34 of 91 of this series.
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